Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can I color on your dick again?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
