I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize