i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
