There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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