Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hippo gnu deer
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize