Heybabeimwearingurpanties
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
