I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
