Screwed.edu
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
