She's JV to your varsity
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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