so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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