We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
