i think i scared a bird with my dick
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
