i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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