Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
