3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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