u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize