Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
