seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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