just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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