just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
