Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize