Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
