I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We have started to decorate penises.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
