That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My ass is underappreciated
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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