You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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