I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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