haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
