Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
