Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize