32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
