Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
