drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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