i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
