Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize