I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
