wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
