I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
