you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
