i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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