True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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