Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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