Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
