I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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