he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
