I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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