im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
