I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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