We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need to sanitize my soul.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
