Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
