I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
