Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
