I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
