you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
