I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We have started to decorate penises.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
