I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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