Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
