In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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