hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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