I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
