When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
