Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
