tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
