she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
