I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize