Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
